NON-writer's angsts...

my table

When I was in high school, I would be compared to my two siblings a lot of times. Both of them became editors-in-chief of the school paper while I only got to pass the qualifying exam when I was in fourth year already. My father once told me that I am not as good in the English language as my sisters.

I got to be at peace with the idea when I was already in college. The joke was, "I'm an English patient." My tenses are so bad I shiver everytime I submit a paper. I have a mentor-friend who would always correct me when I talk. From grammar to pronunciation to diction. Thank goodness, we don't write each other!

I still have those common mistakes until now. And my ego and my being an 'english patient' became best of friends. To protect my ego, I would always say I'm bad at it. Accepting the truth afterall, is always the best defense.

Ironically, among us siblings, I landed in the print media industry. Editorial department. Something is amiss in the state of Denmark!




Of course, it doesn't really follow if the information given is up to there only. Apparently, in the world of commercial writers (with due apologies and no pun intended) there is that need for non-writers like myself. We call ourselves part of the Art Department. Yet, since the said industry is in the third world, there are only seven of you in the magazine. You often don't have the choice but to write. At least the captions.

Everytime I click the Word icon in my computer, the memories in highshool appear on screen. And again, the best friend of my ego will come to the rescue. I guess, if you can't do it, be defensive about it... And in making the defense, I know I'm hurting myself. I have not done anything to cure it anyway. Though one time, my (former) boss told me that I can actually write, it fueled my desire to totally remove the 'english patient' armor and work to improve my writing skills. The desire was short lived. My boss resigned. And the one who replaced her never gave me a (serious) writing job.

As of now, I have this blog to contend myself with. As my present boss declared to the whole company that I am not a writer at all, I guess, my armors will be with me all the time.