I was in a niagara streak yesterday-- anything that can cause tears makes a downpour. It was unstoppable and surreal and well, tiring. Trying to relax myself, I watched Independence Day on GMA 7, it was of no help. I was in tears the whole time. At the end of the night, I ended up looking like garfield.
One thing very disturbing about it is that in anything I see on TV, I ended up criticizing- the couch, the lamp, or whatever object there is. Come the advertisement, I would imagine designing the set for it on how to make it better. Then I would stop and take hold of whatever I have left for my old self and yes... cry.
My friends told me I need a break from work. Maybe I should. Admittedly, I need it but reality meaning my bills, rent, mortgage etcetera etcetera will not allow me to. To continue working for at least four more years is what's required of me to do. Now, I have said before quoting from Wicked, "There are bridges you cross you didn't know you cross until you cross." What is this bridge that I have just crossed?
On the other side of it, I sure want to just drop everything and be on recluse for at least a year. Go back to my parents' house and live as quietly as I can. But of course, that is totally going against every single grain of my character. I was never like that even at the lowest point of my life.
Maybe a break is what I just need. Break meaning I will be working for an equivalent of two months compressed to one so a can take the next month's off.
Now, that will bring me to a breakdown.