Saturday, November 10, 2007

casting cares

I was in Paris when my sister told me that my father got enrolled in a program which might be able to help him with his liver cancer. It is a clinical trial program conducted by this drug company in the US. We prayed for it to happen and it was an apt birthday gift for my mom. 

My dad started to take the meds right away. Medicines that are still on its final testing stage before it goes out of the market with approved claims. Three days later, he went back to the hospital with his complaints. I really don't know the reasons but he was advised to stop taking it momentarily until his test results will be ok. It was yesterday when he started to take the tablets again, in smaller dosage. This, accompanied by a cocktail of tablets to counter the other effects. It was last night when he again felt ill and weak again. 

I have known my dad to be this invincible principal of the elementary school where I attended. Robust and authoritative, everybody respected him.  I feared him during those times. As I grew up, I have always been my mother's son. My two sisters look like him and I look like my mom. My going to college was his greatest test for me. And my not graduating college was his biggest disappointment. I have been told that I'm never like my sisters who are achievers. I don't have the letters after my name. And he would constantly remind me of that for several years. And for several years, I detested the fact. At the back of my mind, I would tell myself that the day will come when he will actually be proud of me. 

It was last night that he told me that I should take care of my mom when he's gone. I told him that we are doing something about his illness so he better not think about it and just be well. He answered me that he wants to be out of the program as he may not be able to take the side effects of the meds. I was dumbfounded. I told my mom about it in front of my sister and my mom was just quiet. She tried to keep her emotions and went into their room. Midway going up the stairs, she bursted into tears. I know my hug was not enough to console her. As I pray for healing for my dad, and strength for my mom, I have to doubly pray for guidance for all of these. 

He told me that I should take care of my mom. I know that he is proud of me as his son. Yet, I can only pray the set-up is different. 

I'll continue on praying.

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